Mindfulness in Motherhood
The mental load of motherhood is the invisible work of constantly thinking, planning, remembering, and organizing everything a family needs. It looks like organizing all the appointments, preparing for all the extracurriculars, noticing when items at home are running low or the kids’ clothes becoming too small and getting future-needed things ready before anyone else even realizes they’re needed. It is a heavy load to carry and often felt as though it is being carried alone. Being the keeper of the family can cause increased levels of overwhelm and stress, and while no one should have to carry it alone, sometimes it is, or feels, difficult to access the support you truly need. One way to support yourself through these waves of overwhelm is by practicing mindfulness.
Mindfulness can be defined as moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment. It is a state of mind that allows us to be more in the “here and now” rather than elsewhere, where our thoughts often tend to take us. It is a practice that allows our brains to slow down which helps our bodies to slow down. While many mindfulness practices ask us to stop, take a moment, and intentionally slow down, many mothers feel this is too difficult to do. I often hear, “I don’t know if I can do it. It’s just another thing I need to plan for my day.”
What if instead of thinking of mindfulness only as a separate practice to add into your day, we look at it as something we can incorporate into our already existing routines?
Considerations for Implementing Mindfulness into Motherhood
Everyone’s journey in motherhood is different. The experience will depend on multiple things – how many children one has; one’s culture, religion, or spiritual beliefs; whether they are a single-parent or in a partnership; if they are a stay-at-home parent or a parent who works outside of the home, too; and many more. Therefore, when thinking about how to incorporate mindfulness into your motherhood, it’s going to be a practice that is uniquely yours. You’ll want to consider your daily routines, moments where you feel more peaceful or chaotic, and/ or moments where your mind is anywhere but right here.
Is there ever a time where you allow yourself to be fully alone, without the need to care for another person in that moment? Is there a routine you can think of that you do on “auto pilot” where you haven’t paid full attention to what you’re doing in a long time? In what parts of your day do you find yourself incessantly repeating your to-do list in your mind? How often do you find yourself reaching for a mindless or aimless task when you feel like you need a break? Or are you finding yourself restless and always getting started on the next task without taking a moment to slow down and actually be in a moment of your day?
What are the moments you wish you could be more present for? Maybe it’s that morning coffee before the day fully starts or during backyard play time while the sun kisses your skin and awakens your soul. Maybe it’s the desire to sit and play with your child and actually enjoy yourself, rather than feeling like there’s something more you could or should be doing. Maybe it’s a moment with your partner – the moments you’ve been missing since you both entered this new phase of life. Maybe it’s taking a shower – one you do not rush through because you swear you hear your child calling out to you.
What if we can take these moments that automatically happen in our day and we find a way to be more present than creating yet another item on the to-do list in order to practice mindfulness?
Mindfulness Practices to Try
Here are two mindfulness practices that you can try at home in your typical day-to-day routine:
Mindful Eating:
- Choose a food you would like to practice with (preferably something you can hold in your hand and not get too messy with).
- Before you pick up your food, notice how it looks on the table in front of you. Notice it’s color, how the light reflects on its surface, and its size.
- Now, pick up the food. Notice the weight, and how the food feels against your skin. Roll the object between your fingers, or roll it in your hand, and notice it’s texture. Notice if it’s smooth, rough, slick, soft, firm or if it has any other properties.
- Hold the food to your nose and pay attention to its smell. Does it smell sweet, sour, or pungent? Is it easy to smell, or is it more subtle?
- Next, place the food in your mouth, on your tongue, but don’t eat it. Notice how it feels in your mouth. Does the texture feel the same as on your hand? What do you taste? Roll the food around in your mouth and pay attention to the feeling.
- Begin to slowly chew your food. Notice how your teeth sink into it, and whether the texture is different inside. Pay close attention to the flavor, and how it spreads across your tongue. Note how your body changes – does your mouth fill with saliva? Does your tongue feel hot or cold?
- Finally, as you swallow, do you notice any sensations moving down your throat? Pay close attention to the many sensations as you finish.
Perhaps when starting off with a mindful eating practice, you begin with something small (a snack, or only the first few bites of your meal). If you find there are few moments where you can eat alone, perhaps you have your family join in and make an exploratory experience out of all of it for you. Mindfulness can be adapted in ways that suit you, and with practice, maybe you find ways to expand on it!
Mindful Hand Washing:
- Turn on the water and notice the sound. Is it loud or quiet? Fast or slow?
- Place your hands under the water and feel the temperature. Is it warm? Cool? Just right?
- Add soap and look at it on your hands. Does it stay still or move around? Is it foamy or creamy? Notice the smell. Does it remind you of anything?
- Slowly rub your hands together and pay attention to the feeling of your hands moving. Notice the bubbles, if any, forming. Watch how the soap changes texture. What does it feel like as it’s moving around your skin?
- Wash each part of your hands carefully. As you do this, notice the sensations – slippery, bubbly, smooth.
- Rub your palms
- Rub the backs of your hands
- Rub between your fingers
- Rub your thumbs
- Rub your fingertips
- Rinse your hands and watch the bubbles wash away. Notice how the water carries the soap off your skin.
- Dry your hands and feel the towel or air dryer as you do so. Is it soft or rough? Warm or cool?
- Before leaving, take one slow breath and notice how your hands feel now.
Washing hands is often one of those “autopilot” tasks that not many of us take the time to really pay attention to. Washing your hands likely happens many times a day – what if you tried once or twice to really be present in that moment?
This insight comes from Kirsten Spasyouti, MACP, RCT-C, one of the counselling therapists at Coastal Sports and Wellness Inc. Kirsten is a mother who thrives to provide supportive spaces for other mother’s and youth in the community. She is here to support you in your journey as a parent or an individual to find mental wellness and ways to live your life fully.
